Introverts in Relationships

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Ask and you shall receive.

I was browsing Facebook this morning and came across two interesting reads about relationships.

The first was on a site I found on Twitter: @IntrovertDear

It was the type of person each personality type should seek out when looking for relationships.

I’ll share mine. I’m an INFJ.

INFJ

Who you usually go for: No one, because everyone is going to hurt you. Even the ones you’re only mildly attached to, especially the ones you really really like. Once in a blue moon, you’ll meet someone who seems to have the potential to never screw you over. And you’ll put them on a pedestal until, eventually, they’ll let you down too.

Who you should go for: The best friend. The one who has proven their trustworthiness by being there for you through everything. The one who will let you down unintentionally, every now and again, but stays by your side to stitch up the wounds. Someone who will finally make you believe in the whole “everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find the ones worth suffering for” bullshit that you were struggling to accept before.

Dang. Yep. Pretty spot on.

The second article I came across was from the Quiet Revolution. It talked about the difference between extroverts and introverts in dating. It’s ok we are different. Stop apologizing for being an introvert (I’m talking to myself here).

It’ll be so interesting to read this years from now.

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INFJ

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A few years ago, I got into this very focused time of learning all about introversion. Where was all of this material when I was growing up? I love learning more about it. I need to revisit the some of my favorite books about introverts:

  • The Introvert Advantage: Making the Most of Your Inner Strength, a recommendation from Mark Waltz of Granger Community Church. It is not a “Christian” book but was really insightful into what introverts bring into the world.
  • Quiet. Although I didn’t connect with every chapter in the book, I still thought it was well done and has encouraged conversation about introversion, especially in the workplace.
  • Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture. As a church leader, I’ve always struggled with my place in the church. What most churches are looking for include an “outgoing personality”. This book was healing and helpful that I have a place and should be valued for what I can offer.

What am I missing?

Just spent some time reading Introvert, Dear’s 10 Types of Secrets of the INFJ.

So fun to read about my personality type and know I’m not alone!

TED Talk: Circle of Safety

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Brene Brown, quoting a 12 year old, said, “If I get to be myself, I belong. If I have to be like you, I fit in”.

Yesterday I gave a TED Talk on Simon Sinek’s concept of the Circle of Safety found in his latest book, Leaders Eat Last. Wanted to share with as many people. My communication skills leave something to be desired, but the concept is great. So if you can get past the poor video quality + some inside insights into my current workplace, I hope it challenges you to think through how you view your work culture + co-workers.

Enjoy!

Introverts + Community

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There has been a struggle in my life lately.

The strong desire to create community in a city I have lived in for six months.

On the other hand, I value my alone time because it renews me as an introvert.

I have the tendency to resort to books as a means of escape. Books are constant companions. Friends with great stories to dive into whenever I want.

Lately, I have been watching FRIENDS chronologically. After I graduated college a few years ago, I went on an unhealthy FRIENDS binge where I had little human interaction and preferred the TV show characters to people in my community. At the time I was living in a really small town — mainly farmland.

Now I live in a city, but I find myself equally drawn to the comfort of escaping into my own little world as a protection from being around so many people.

My question: how do introverts form community? For me it has been a struggle. I don’t pretend to have all the answers. Often times I try to partner up with an extrovert who understands what it truly means to be an introvert — and knowing it’s ok if I need some space.

I would love to hear from you if you have thoughts on this.

“Let It Go” from Frozen

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I am all about MBTI (I am an INFJ). I love getting to know more about people’s personalities and how to better interact with them. I recently saw a chart with 16 Disney princesses, and I am the same personality as Elsa from Frozen.

Having seen the movie over Christmas break with my mom, I realized why I liked her so much. She was strong and beautiful but not the outgoing, “fun” sister. I really liked Elsa’s dress on the mountain and her ice castle (although unlike her, I would be having an asthma attack climbing mountains!). At the end of the description on the chart, it says “value self-control and the pursuit of the greater good, but has difficulty listening to their own needs”. Sounds pretty spot on to me.

I just really liked the movie and am understanding more about myself as I see things in other people (even if they are only animated).

What’s your MBTI?